Thank you for pouring out your heart. Please realize that I do not (nor does Yeshua, in my opinion) want you to give up one ounce of your Jewishness, and I do not want you to become a "Christian" nor a member of any denomination. You should go to the head of the stream, where the water is pure.
"Christian" is a greek designation for gentile believers. Yeshua is fully a Jew, and never asked anyone to give up their heritage through Abraham. In fact, to believers, Yeshua is the realization of the promise to Abraham that through his seed all nations would be blessed. I am a Jew by faith and spirit, but not by flesh. You have an advantage of both flesh and spirit, if you come to Yeshua.
If you would communicate with my friend Joseph Shulam, you would learn that he does not want any Jews to become "Christians." You are not called to join a Christian organization, but to establish your own Jewish cell of believers meeting in your home, or with some other group of Messianic Jews. You would continue to observe all of your Jewish traditions of your choosing, but not rely on keeping the Law for salvation. The main thing I want you to consider is the man Yeshua, with the full expectation that when you have met Him, you will fall at His feet.
You know that I have lived and breathed the Ezekiel project since 1993. I count your coming to faith in Yeshua of much greater importance than this project. I know what it will mean to you, your family, and your friends.
Please connect with some of the Messianic Jews in your area. There are many. Just put messianic jews new jersey in google and take a look.
May the blessings of YHWH overflow in your life leading to faith in Yeshua as your messiah.
Your brother in Abraham, you by flesh and me by spirit.
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